Alone
by NightmareGlitter
Summary: Introspective look on Ritsuka and how he feels about society, Soubi, and his home life and how he wants to escape.


I'm not really a fan of yaoi, but I like Loveless. Ritsuka is really cute, and I feel so bad for him. I've only read the first volume of the manga as of now, but maybe I'll catch up later. This is just an introspective fic, as I said before. So, hope you enjoy : )

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Ritsuka sat alone, staring without purpose up at the gray, overcast sky. A few snowflakes fluttered down onto his nose, melting down his warm skin. They were aimless, just like him, their lives short, just like Seimei's.

Shivering from the frigid air, Ritsuka pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging himself for warmth. The bruises on his body still throbbed from where his mother had beaten him earlier, as well as the cuts he had so graciously bestowed upon himself. Her behavior still confused him. Why did she not believe he was Ritsuka? Was it because Seimei had died such a cruel and violent death? Or maybe it was because he was Loveless, one who lacks the admiration of others.

He winced, pain filling his broken heart. If he was Loveless, then how come Soubi claimed to love him? Was he just a pervert? If he was, then how come he made Ritsuka's heart beat so fast? Ritsuka could not understand why he felt so strongly for Soubi. Somehow, Soubi just completed him, filling the hole that was left in his heart.

Speaking of Soubi, here he came, and he was getting that seductive look in his eyes. Ritsuka looked up at Soubi over his knees contemptuously, suspiciously. Even now, he wasn't sure he completely trusted Soubi all the time. After all, Soubi might turn on him. Besides, he didn't want to get too attached. If he did, Soubi might die, and leave him alone again.

Feeling guilty, he tried to shake his distrust. It wasn't that he wanted to feel this way. The more he thought he'd figured his feelings out, the more tangled up he became.

"Ritsuka," Soubi smiled warmly, a sharp contrast with the weather, "I see you're brooding again today."

Ritsuka sighed a foggy cloud and brushed the snowflakes from his chocolate hair. "Soubi, why does it hurt so much? Why is it that people love some people, yet hate others? And why are some people handed nothing but disappointment? Why is this world so painful and cruel?"

Soubi said nothing as he contemplated this. "Ritsuka," he finally began, "In this world, there are different kinds of people. Some people, due to human nature, can't get along. It's better that way, because then people are able to make closer and stronger bonds with a smaller group. Think of it this way; if everyone in the world were agreeable towards one another, our love would have to be divided instead of concentrated. Everyone would feel equally towards each other. Therefore, there would be, in reality, no love at all. The love of all human beings is impossible and impractical. In order to have love and joy there has to exist a certain amount of pain and suffering. Pain is what intensifies the feelings of love and pleasure. Pain, in a sense, is what makes love so strong."

Ritsuka gazed in awe at Soubi. "That does make sense."

"Of course it does. Just think, if I loved everyone in the world, then I wouldn't really love them, and I wouldn't love you. Now that wouldn't do you any good, now, would it?"

"No." Ritsuka rubbed his arms, trying to warm himself. He winced as his cuts throbbed again.

Soubi took Ritsuka's arms gently and lifted the sleeves, exposing his mutilated arms to the unforgiving winter air.

"Ritsuka, who did this to you?"

Blushing, Ritsuka answered. "Nobody. Except myself."

"I thought you admonished me for being a 'masochist.'"

"It's not that--I don't enjoy it. It hurts. But I don't want to hurt on the inside."

"I could take care of that." Soubi grazed his lips across Ritsuka's ear, causing him to blush.

"Soubi, why must you always--"

Soubi laughed softly. "Oh, Ritsuka. You're so naïve. But then again, you're a mere child. I could hardly expect you to understand the depth of my affections."

Becoming distrustful again, Ritsuka yanked away. "Soubi, don't. You scare me."

"Why must you distrust me so? And why now? You never acted like this before."

Afraid he'd hurt Soubi, Ritsuka quickly explained, "Well, it's not that I want to distrust you. I can't because…some things have happened…I'm so cold. I'm so hurt. I'm sorry, I can't…right now."

Soubi was silent for a moment. Finally: "I understand."

The snow began to fall down harder, blanketing the earth in a world of white.

Soubi took Ritsuka's mittened hand in his own, warming it. "We'd better go, before the blizzard starts."

Ritsuka numbly nodded, and followed Soubi down the road. Soubi led him to an apartment and unlocked the door.

"I'll keep you at my apartment before the storm lets up."

A nervous anxiety throbbed in Ritsuka's chest. He was deeply frightened. He was afraid of what Soubi might do.

"You have no need to worry, Ritsuka, I won't hurt you." Soubi assured him, putting a tea kettle on. "I love you. People who love each other don't hurt each other."

"How can you say you love me?" Ritsuka blurted, finally asking the question that had burned in his soul so long. "How can anyone?"

Soubi turned, looking startled. "I say I love you, simply because I do. There's no explaining it. All I can say is I care deeply for you and don't want you to get hurt. I don't want anyone else to have you. I want you to stay by my side at all times, no matter what. We will fight for each other and alongside each other because we love each other. Does it make sense to you now?"

It didn't, but Ritsuka nodded anyway. The tea kettle whistled, so Soubi disappeared into the kitchen.

Ritsuka thought about how nice it must be to be grown-up. How nice it would be if he could live his own life without anyone telling him he wasn't himself. How wonderful to make one's own decisions! If only he could live like that. If only….

No, he thought, he couldn't put that burden on Soubi. How ridiculous, to ask someone he didn't trust to live with them. Then again, he didn't trust his mother either. In fact, he trusted her less. He decided it was time for a change.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the kitchen, heart pounding.

"Soubi?"

"Yes?"

"C-Can I live with you?" he blurted.

He stood still, eyes closed, teeth clenched as silence answered him. Then:

"Of course you can."

Relief washed over Ritsuka as Soubi took him into his room.

"From now on, you'll live with me, and I'll provide for you in any way possible."

"Do I have to repay you somehow?"

"I need nothing but your love and devotion."

"I'll do what I can," Ritsuka muttered, his dark eyes dropping to the floor, "But please don't ask me to do anything…"

"You're a minor. I could never ask that of you." Soubi laughed softly.

Ritsuka sighed as Soubi turned around.

"Of course," Soubi smirked, "when you're older, that's up to you."

He left Ritsuka standing in the bedroom, heart thumping wildly against his ribs. His life was sure going to be a lot more interesting now.

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Oh, man, I wrote yaoi…..I'm not sure how to react. Oh well. I wanted to write about Ritsuka. I might write some more later. I don't know. As for now, it's complete. But maybe one day…. Anyway, hope u liked! Please review : )


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